RMJ 45 March 31

MONDAY, MARCH 31 ● Off-day in Houston

It sure was nice to sleep in my own bed. The only problem was, I didn’t get to sleep long enough. I had an 8 a.m. appointment with a urologist, so I had to leave the house at 7.

After reviewing the records of my examination in Florida, and talking with me about it, the doctor surmised that I had prostatitis.

Just to make sure, he gave me the old finger probe. The only difference was that this time he jammed and twisted for about twenty seconds to induce a secretion.

He almost induced a primal scream.

After he scoped the evidence, he said that there was some minor trace of infection, and that my prostate was not swollen. Because my symptoms were all but gone, he decided against the up-the-dick photography session, and he prescribed some pills that I will need to take for the next six weeks.

I skipped out of the office on the pixie feet of reprieve, and I headed for a workout at the Dome.

 

The workout went well: short and sweet. I knocked out all of the interviews during batting practice, and afterward we had a team meeting.

Part of the meeting was the obligatory reading of Rule 21 regarding gambling. Gerry’s assistant, Tim Purpura, handled this chore. Then I went over the rest of the team rules, emphasizing a few points, such as fraternization and umpire relations.

I told the guys that I would not tolerate the typical grab-ass relations that normally take place around the batting cage before the game.

“I know you guys have friends on other teams,” I said. “But it looks like shit when you are cutting up with the enemy. And they are the enemy, as long as we are on the field.

“Think how this must look to the fans. How it looks to me. You might have to throw at a guy or take him out on a double play.

“There’s plenty of time to talk to your friends after the game. If you have to do it at the ballpark, go under the stands, where no one can see you.”

This is one belief I have in common with Tony La Russa. Most managers tolerate fraternization. I may find that I can’t stop it, but I am going to try.

The other thing that I can’t abide is antagonizing umpires.

“You guys already know that the umpires have declared war after the Alomar incident,” I said. “And these umpires are going to treat me like a rookie, like it or not. So don’t stand out there and yell at them.

“I know you are wrapped up in the game, and will react passionately from time to time. What I want you to do is catch yourself before you get tossed, and get the hell out of there. If you get yourself crosswise with the umpires, it can affect the whole team.

“I’m not saying you should just accept a bad call; just that you should have your say and get out. If he chases you and tries to bait you, I’ll be there for you. I will not stand for an umpire chasing you across the field.

“But if you carry on too long, you have two problems: him and me. Does everybody understand?” 

They seemed to. Time will tell.

           

After the workout, I went to a Chevy dealer to pick up a Tahoe utility vehicle. I am going to do some commercials for this dealership. It is one of the many perks of this job.

Later, we went to dinner at one of the finest restaurants in Houston for a celebration of Milo and Arlene Hamilton’s 45th wedding anniversary.

Milo has a flair for the dramatic. He invited 45 people, and he had 45 roses on display. He introduced everyone, mixing in his typical humor and wit.

We got home about 10:30, just in time to see Arizona beat Kentucky in the NCAA college basketball tournament.

 

I went to bed early with the book North Toward Home by Willie Morris. I have been thinking about a passage from this book, about how the conservative Texas politicians handled critical publicity in Morris’ publication The Texas Observer:

 

“They went through the hectic round of the city’s political parties in a genial and aimless inebriation, and bear-hugged their liberal foes as if politics were a happy sport among friends … The only obstacle that troubled us was that we did not hate, we rather loved, our enemies, who rather liked us.”

 

This is a passage I want to show Gerry. Coming from New York, he is supersensitive to the press. But the point is, they are going to write what their editors want them to write. If you are friendly with them, they may not cut you quite as deep.